Lately, my entire vibe has been placed on “Do not disturb.” I’ve been in a place of isolation and made myself unavailable to most, especially people and situations that pull away from my energy. Many tend to take this as being “funny acting” or “fake.” Some even take it as a personal attack against them, when in all actuality, it may not even have anything to do with them, but everything to do with you. It’s personal for me because only myself and God knows the battles that I battle on my own that needs tending to. It’s personal because not everyone will understand how it feels to run on empty, because you’ve given all you had to everyone else, depleting your self of physical and spiritual stamina. It’s personal because sometimes you just need to pull back so that you can regroup yourself, so that you’re healthy enough to push through with your purpose, and help others along the way. Unplugging is necessary. You have to know when it’s time to tune out certain things so that you can get back focused and in alignment with yourself, your purpose, and with God. Understand that everything is not for you to engage in, and every person is not your assignment. Sometimes we get too consumed in what other people have going on, that we don’t realize that it’s pulling from your energy and causing you to feel drained, unnecessarily. Giving too much energy into something or someone who isn’t reciprocating that same energy will eventually take a toll on your overall health, and eventually you’ll hit rock bottom; not even understanding why! Take social media for example; we waste so much energy scrolling social media accounts, comparing ourselves to people who we may feel have more than us, are more successful than we may be, maybe even look better than us; draining our self-esteem, our mental health, and causing us to stay in emotional bondage. We have absolute control over who and what we allow to pour into us, or what and who we allow to pull energy OUT of us. When it gets to the point that more pulling is taking place, that’s when it’s time to unplug and shift our mindsets to focus on the things that are uplifting, encouraging, and edifying to our minds and spirit. Never feel bad about getting back to you! Never feel bad about taking the necessary measures to rebuild, refuel, and replenish yourself! Whether it means taking social media breaks, not hanging with friends for a while, or putting your phone on “do not disturb” until you’re ready to be back on the scene again. Unplug…your mental health will thank you.

Growing up, I always wanted to be “daddy’s little girl.” I always wanted that perfect father-daughter relationship like I had seen on television, because growing up in the hood you didn’t really see it much in person. As a child, I knew who my father was, I had access to him, and I actually had a pretty good relationship with him. But as I got older, I began to see some of the painful truths about my father that I didn’t quite understand before. I knew my mother disliked him, in fact, still today she cant stand him, but never did she allow her ill feelings towards him come in between the relationship that he and I had shared. Every other weekend she’d allow my sister and I to get dressed and wait for him to pick us up, knowing that there was a chance that he wouldn’t come, but still giving him the benefit of the doubt for the sake of us. I remember waiting at the door for him to come, coat on, shoes on, staring out the window until he pulled up. But sometimes, the phone would ring instead of the doorbell. It was him telling us that something had came up. But the times that he did show up, he always made sure that we had the times of our lives. I have some amazing memories of my daddy and I. I remember them all so vividly because honestly, they were rare. I’ll never forget when my dad picked us up in his delivery truck. There were mattresses in the back and as he drove, my sister and I had our own jumping party in the back! I’ll never forget when I called my daddy, sad because my sister had went to the carnival with her friends and I was too young to go. My daddy came and picked me up, took me to the State Fair, and won me whatever toy that I wanted! I felt like I was on top of the world! He also taught me how to shoot a shotgun and the importance of saving money. Til this day he’d always tell me to put ten dollars from each check into savings, that way i’d have something stashed for a rainy day. One of the wisest men I know! I’ll also never forget when my mom had gotten a call that my daddy had been in a terrible accident at work. He had been hit by a truck and suffered some severe damage to his head, BUT GOD! Thankfully he recovered after surgery and blood transfusions. I remember feeling so hopeless and heartbroken. I thought I was going to lose my daddy. But by the grace of God, he had a full recovery! Another memory that will forever stick with me is when I had found out that my daddy had an illness. It tore me apart, because at 11 years old, I didn’t understand. It wasn’t until I became older that I began to understand what was going on. My daddy had been battling a serious drug addiction, something that he had been struggling with even before I was born. A part of me wanted to allow myself to be angry at my father. I mean after all, was I not more important than drugs? Was I not worthy enough to have a father in my life? It’s not like I had asked to be here, at least he could have prepared for my arrival! Those thoughts followed me for many years. I started to carry resentment towards my daddy because I felt as if I was shortchanged from experiencing the life of the “average kid.” But then it dawned on me! How could he be a good father to me when he was battling his own demons? How could I expect him to be the best version of himself for me, when he wasn’t being the best version of himself for his own sake? It took me a long time to realize that although I’m absolutely entitled to my feelings and emotions, that it wasn’t a personal attack against me. But a SPIRITUAL attack against HIM! I had to learn that aside from him being a father, that he was also HUMAN! And as humans, we aren’t perfect! We make mistakes, we fall short, and we don’t always “measure up” to the expectations that others expect us to! Yeah he’s my father, I get it, but the truth is, that’s just a title! We get so consumed with “titles,” that sometimes we allow our egos to interfere with reality. Reality is, no matter what your title is in life, if you take that title away, you’re STILL a person! And you still make mistakes, just like the next person does! Whether you’re a pastor, a police officer, or a father, you’ll STILL fall short! I had to learn to meet my daddy right where he is! I had to put that “daddy’s little girl” theory to the side and accept the fact that although my idea of what a father-daughter relationship didn’t turn out the way that I had envisioned it, that it doesn’t mean that we cant have a relationship. I had to understand that just as hard as it is for me to not have that “perfect daddy” that I thought I needed in order to be loved “correctly,” protected, and to be told that I was beautiful; that it is also hard for my father to even look me in my eyes because he feels as if he’d failed at being a father…I come from a product of a father who was an addict, and was raised by a step-father that engaged in infidelity. Those situations could’ve broken me as a young girl, but instead I chose to learn from them and love my fathers IN SPITE OF their imperfections! I didn’t allow their negatives to negatively affect me in regards to the man I chose to marry. I didn’t allow myself to be insecure because my father didn’t tell me that I was beautiful every day! And I don’t allow myself to live in fear because my father wasn’t there to “protect” me. God has kept me covered in the BLOOD of Jesus, and HE is my protector! I didn’t NEED my daddy to instill those things into me, I needed Jesus to do that! And my daddy didn’t fail me because he wasn’t always present, he failed me those times when he allowed himself to push me away because of his own insecurities and self pity. We have to learn to move forward and stop allowing ourselves to dwell in past hurts and mistakes! We have to stop placing expectations on people just because they hold a certain “title.” And no matter what, we have to allow God to soften our hearts so that we can actually learn to LOVE people through their imperfections. This isn’t to justify or ignore the facts or the way someone’s rejection may have made you feel. It’s to give you FREEDOM and PEACE to move forward and not allow your feelings to consume you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The bible teaches us to “honor our parents so that we will live a full life in the land of the Lord (Deuteronomy 5:16). This means that it is a command by God to be respectful, loving, and accepting of our parents. Again, this doesn’t make them perfect, but it makes you OBEDIENT! Obviously discernment is to be used, but no matter what, we must love….even if in some cases it’s from a distance. Although I didn’t have the most “perfect” father, I thank God for him because without him, there would be no me! So no matter what, i’ll always appreciate my father! Today, I encourage you to do the same! It may take time, but find it in your heart to forgive your father for any hurt you may be feeling because of him. My prayer for every person that may be dealing with “daddy issues” is for them to find it in their heart to let go of the past and make use of the future! It’s never too late to form relationships with someone as long as they’re still here in the flesh. It’s only too late when we allow time to pass us by and we miss the opportunity to make amends with those we love! I pray that peace is restored and that families will no longer be a thing of the past, but that fathers will become more intentional with being present in their children’s lives. Also, for the women to be more intentional with who we choose to start a family with. Most people who are dealing with “daddy issues” are those who come from a broken home in which the father was absent. We must establish healthy, solidified relationships when dating, not just “situationships,” that way, children will be raised under one roof as a family, and we can break this cycle of single parent households and “daddy issues.”

Every month, Veronica Estell hosts a women’s empowerment workshop for the women of Breaking Chains! Together we mingle, empower one another, and break down barriers in womanhood! Check out our latest “Painting with a PURPOSE” workshop! Together we took a creative approach and painted the things in life that we want to manifest! We then prayed together and allowed God to dwell in the place! It was BEAUTIFUL and EMPOWERING to say the least! Stay connected for upcoming monthly events!

Motherhood is beautiful, but it’s a journey, to say the least. From the first time that I had found out about my pregnancy with my oldest child, I began making preparations for her arrival. I’ll never forget, I had owned a Chevy Monte Carlo when I found out that I was expecting. Immediately I sold it because I wanted to get something more convenient and “kid friendly.” Already making sacrifices in preparation to become a mommy, I purchased a used Jeep that I just knew was the perfect suv for my new baby and I. Sadly, with only 3 months of having it, the engine had blown. I was so upset because I had spent all the money that I had on that vehicle. But of course I couldn’t be without a car with having a baby on the way, so I worked hard, saved up and bought another car, And the same thing happened! I was heated lol. Upsetttt! And this was only the beginning of the sacrifices that we make as parents, and the unexpected hardships that we sometimes have to face. I learned early on that we have to prepare for the unexpected in life, especially when we have children who depend on us for their well being. And sometimes that’s not always an easy thing to do. I became a mother at the age of twenty years old. And although I was excited and ready to be a mom, looking back, I realize that I wasn’t prepared! I wasn’t prepared for the late nights, the early mornings, the emergency doctors visits, the unexpected expenses, and sometimes even the expected expenses. It was all new for me. And although some situations were easier than others, I made it happen! And that’s exactly what motherhood is all about; making things happen and making sure that the needs of your children are met no matter what! My whole life I’ve been around mothers that made things happen, from my mother and aunts, to my sisters, cousins and friends. And although God has blessed me with a husband to help me, majority of the women I know don’t have that. Many are doing it all on their own! True definition of SUPER WOMEN because even having that extra helping hand, it’s HARD being a mother, and most of us don’t get days off! We’re always in mommy mode! And if you’re anything like me, even when you do get that break, you spend majority of it thinking about the needs of your children. Sometimes, I’ll plan a shopping date for myself and the entire time I’m picking up things for my kids, talking myself out of buying even small things like a cheap shirt for myself. Even as our kids become older, the worrying doesn’t stop, in fact it may even get worse. Having to allow them to make their own decisions, even when it completely goes against what you want for them. Their first heartbreak, hormonal changes, just to name a few. Having to face the harsh reality that sometimes your kids will go against all that you’ve taught them and it hurts! But the good thing about it is that the Bible teaches us to “train a child up in the way he should go, and when they get older they won’t depart from it.” In other words, no matter how many mistakes they make, as long as you’ve raised them correctly and instilled moral and spiritual values into them, they’ll always come back to being the person that you’ve raised them to be. It’s up to us as parents to keep our children lifted in prayer throughout their lives, and also make sure that WE are setting positive examples for them as well, because prayer without works don’t always work. We have to make sure that we’re being the best version of ourselves in our parenting so that our children can actually look up to us. We can’t be hypocritical in our parenting, because like most people, children learn better with what they see, versus what they’re told. It’s not enough to tell our kids to “do as I say, and not as I do,” like many of our parents told us growing up. We have to be INTENTIONAL in what we show and tell them! Everything that they do reflects what they have been shown. Just as we filter things that they watch on television, we have to filter things that WE do in real life! We have to filter our conversations, the music we pump into their ears, we have to be mindful of the relationships what we allow ourselves to be in, both romantic relationships and overall friendships with certain individuals. We have to SHOW them the best way of living and decision making so that they see first hand what’s right and what’s wrong. The Bible teaches us to “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them–not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve” (1 Peter 5:2). This means to love them, lead them, and protect them correctly. It’s our duty as mothers to instill core values in our children giving them the best shot at life as possible.

At the same time, it’s also important for us as parents to give ourselves GRACE! Many of us didn’t have the best upbringings ourselves, so trying to raise children with unhealed wounds from childhood can be a challenge within itself. But healing is necessary and vital or generational curses will continue to pass down to your children…and then to theirs. And the cycle will continue until someone steps up to BREAK it! And who’s more perfect to break it than YOU? We have to take our healing seriously and sometimes prayer alone just isn’t enough. We have to be honest with ourselves and know when to seek wise counsel in order to heal, grow, and better ourselves so that we can be the best person for ourselves and the best mother to our children. My prayer for every mother reading this is that you do a self reflection and identify any toxic areas in yourself that needs healing, and work on those things. I pray that you identify things and habits that needs to be corrected in the way that you parent your children, so that they don’t suffer emotionally because of them. And I also pray that although motherhood has no manual, that you allow God to truly lead you and your children. Every day is a journey, some days will be better than others, mothers aren’t perfect nor are we always right. And children aren’t always wrong, they too have a voice that needs to be valued and heard. Be intentional when raising your children, give them grace when they make mistakes, but be firm in your teaching and expectations. And most importantly, ENJOY them! Sometimes we forget to enjoy our children because we’re so busy trying to provide and raise them, then before we can look up, they’re grown! Don’t forget to enjoy them while they’re young because those are some of the most beautiful moments of motherhood and many of those moments can never be relived again. Don’t let them pass you by…

WOW! I remember having my first daughter, Aryss. She was everything that I had imagined her to be. I thought my life was literally complete! Life was going so great. Aris and I had both gotten new jobs, new cars, moved into a beautiful condo, and we finally had gotten ENGAGED! God literally was blessing us in every area of our lives! All within that year, my daughter turned one years old and shortly after, we found out that we were expecting our second child. Although I was extremely certain that I wasn’t ready for another child, I was excited to be adding to our family, and how perfect was it for it to be a BOY! During my pregnancy, my husband and I were literally at each other’s throats! I mean, we damn near hated each other, and until this day, I can’t even tell you why. There was no other woman or other man, there was no financial issues, or any other issues that couples normally feud over; other than the fact that the enemy HATES families! Small disagreements became heated arguments, we literally couldn’t get along, and my hormones already being out of whack from pregnancy only put the icing on the cake.  The enemy wanted to destroy us, and we almost allowed it! We even broke off our engagement! BUT GOD! I gave birth to our son, and a few months later we decided to get married! God really does bless marriage. My family was really complete now! We moved into a bigger home more suitable to raise children in, because our condo wasn’t kid friendly at all! We began to travel as a family, our children were at the age to where my husband and I was comfortable to leave them with family to get some “alone time,” and for  the most part, things were going perfect! The year of 2017 was a great year for me. I was deep into my spiritual life and really living and spreading God’s word, and my Breaking Chains Ministry was flourishing like never before. I had even cut my hair! Moving forward, I went into the new year of 2018 “feeling myself” honeyyyyy! I had a big 25th birthday celebration in January and was turneddd UP!! From then, I started having more alcoholic drinks than I normally would, still in moderation, but more than my normal once or twice a month. February, my husband and I celebrated our second year of marriage, and we were in such a great place in our marriage. But that all changed within a few weeks. We had both become so “laxed” in our marriage that we didn’t feel the need to consult with each other about things nor set “rules,” and eventually, that became an issue. One night, my husband had went out with his friends, but didn’t make it home until five in the morning…I was LIVID!! All I could think about was the fact that it was morning when he had returned, not taking into consideration that we live an hour away from the casino where he was hanging out at, on top of the fact that he had left out of the house close to midnight! But in my mind, it was all about the principle! His nonchalant demeanor is what really pissed me off most (lol), he thought that I was “overreacting,” but really I felt disrespected. From then on, we began to feud more, the arguments became more hostile, and the making up part seemed to never come. I started going out more and feeling myself more than usual, and eventually started to resent my husband. I started allowing myself to fall away from the word of God, and began to allow myself to be entertained by things and people that shouldn’t have gotten my attention. I even wanted to consider “testing the waters.” BUT GOD!! That rough season in our marriage was very short lived because less than a month later, I found out that I was PREGNANT! AGAIN…I was devastated! I was ANGRY! I was confused. I was every emotion that was the opposite of happy and excited. My husband was just as confused because for the first time ever, we couldn’t even pinpoint when we had conceived! Especially because we had been in such a rough space in our marriage. It was the absolute WORST timing for me! I just KNEW that I was done having kids! I mean, I had just started having fun, even though my kind of fun wasn’t pleasing to God or the calling on my life that he had already revealed to me. On top of not being on the best terms with my husband. I just couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I considered an abortion, which was TOTALLY against my beliefs. I knew that if  I had done that, that it would’ve really put a wedge between my husband and I. Selfishly, I didn’t want to care though. But my husband wasn’t having it! He was very adamant about not wanting me to get an abortion, so much that he began sending me scriptures against having one (Psalm 127:3-5). He would call me all night while I was at work and tell me ” I know this is a lot for you to deal with, but i’m still not letting you get an abortion.” All he kept saying is that it was God’s plan!  I fell into a depression because I felt as if I was faced with the biggest battle of my entire life. On one hand, I absolutely knew that I didn’t want to have another baby. I couldn’t think of anything good that would come out of another one. I mean, yeah kids are blessings and all, but my schedule had just gotten changed at work, I had just started taking my fitness journey more seriously, and just being straight up, I DIDN’T WANT ANYMORE KIDS! On the other hand, not only did I not believe in abortions, but I felt even worse for considering one because this pregnancy would be the first one that we would share as being a married couple! And what’s more special than that! I knew that we were spiritually in order by doing it God’s way, but it wasn’t MY way and I couldn’t accept that. Well, at least I didn’t want to! Nevertheless, I scheduled the appointment to terminate the pregnancy. And when the day came to have the procedure done….I decided not to go. My husband was so happy, and surprisingly, so was I! The pregnancy symptoms had started to kick in and I was extremely nauseous! April 6th my doctor took me off of work because the morning sickness was getting out of control. The timing was perfect though because the following week my husband and I were going to Mexico, and that’s when we revealed to everyone that we were expecting baby number THREE! Our family was so excited! But that joy that everyone was feeling came to an end three days later. Sadly, we found out that my husband’s only brother Armani had passed away! We were DEVASTATED to say the least. But although he could never be replaced, it brought us a little peace finding out that our baby girl’s due date was three days before what would’ve been Armani’s 25th birthday! It was like God blessed us with baby number three as a way to give back a part of Armani to us! Still, my husband and I battled in and out of depression. Both mourning his brother, on top of me dealing with being extremely sick because of pregnancy. Finances had become jeopardized because neither of us were going to work. I wanted so badly to get back to work because I wanted my husband to take as much time off from as he needed to mourn such a loss. But every time I’d go back to work, I’d literally get sicker! I knew that was God’s way of telling me to rest! I felt as if I had no control over my own life. I felt as if I was literally being defeated! But through all of the heartache and frustration, my husband and I had fallen deeper in love with one another because of the way that we both carried one another through our toughest times. I remember one moment when he had a breakdown thinking about his brother. He literally was on the floor in tears and when I tried to console him, I had vomited EVERYWHERE! Putting his own self on the back burner, he helped me to the restroom to help me clean myself up and he cleaned my mess up for me as well. It reminded me of the reason why I fell in love with him in the first place; because no matter what we go through, we always make sure to take care of each other. Fast forward to November 20th, 2018, baby Cali made her debut! After delivering her via cesarean (c-section), my doctor had informed me that my surgery was very complicated and high risk. He had found enlarged blood vessels that surrounded my uterus and bladder which normally would have caused me to have a major blood transfusion, or even death. BUT GOD!!! The surgery went well. No transfusion was needed, but recovery didn’t go so well. I developed an infection in my incision which caused me lots of pain and extended out my normal healing time. The trials didn’t just stop there though… Breastfeeding nearly killed me this time around. And I mean that LITERALLY! My daughter latched to me in the hospital, and although she didn’t eat much, when she did it was a little more painful than normal, but because I’ve done it with my oldest two children, I didn’t think anything was out of the ordinary. After all, your breasts are swollen after giving birth any way. Once we went home, I gave my breasts time to heal, once my milk came in I was able to pump and get some relief. But even doing that, the pain didn’t cease, in fact it had gotten worse! Much worse! I struggled feeding my daughter because her poor latch kept causing my breasts to become engorged. So severe that My daughter couldn’t latch to relieve me, or to feed herself for that matter. I literally cried like a baby knowing that my child wouldn’t be able to nurse from me. From my oldest daughter to my son, both were exclusively breastfed babies! I had never had any issues with feeding or producing milk. It literally came to me naturally every time. So to be going through such a tough time nursing my new baby, I felt like a failure! I felt as is I was stripping her away from the breastfeeding bond that I was able to give her siblings so effortlessly. As the days went by, my body was literally going through some changes that were very unfamiliar to me. I was extremely hot, so much that my body was drenching in sweat, but at the same time, I was so freezing cold that my body was literally shaking, uncontrollably. Unbeknownst to me, I had developed an infection in my breast called Mastitis, which is inflammation of breast tissue that causes infection. I felt defeated! I felt as if God had taken his hand off of me already, but to experience issues feeding my CHILD….that just put the icing on the cake! I was upset! I even asked God “why me?” It was like I was taking blows left and right and it was nothing I could do about it! BUT GOD!! I met with a lactation consultant and she taught me new ways to help the baby to properly latch! And from that day forward, breastfeeding has been a BREEZE! Once again, God made a way and helped me through yet another situation that I THOUGHT I wouldn’t be able to overcome! I had gotten so caught up in the battle that I didn’t even realize that it wasn’t mine to fight! I was out of order! I allowed my circumstances to overcome me, instead of giving them to GOD to fight them for me! The whole time I felt that God had given up on me, I realized that really I had given up on HIM! I put him last in every decision that I had made that year, and he allowed me to experience a life without him, even though he had NEVER left me in the first place! He just put me in a position to have no choice but to call on him. I pondered so much on why God allowed me to go through all of these things in only a few months, but every trial that I was faced with was God strengthening me and testing my endurance. Through the anger of being pregnant again, the mourning of my brother, the pain with carrying my unborn, having to give up my job which caused strain on our finances, the high risk delivery of my child, and the physical and emotional pain caused from breastfeeding; GOD STILL KEPT ME! Giving birth to my daughter was all GOD’S PLAN! She gave us a peace that we didn’t even know was missing. She taught me to be RESILIENT! I didn’t just give life to a baby, I birthed new PURPOSE that I didn’t even know that I needed to fulfill. I put LIFE back into my relationship with GOD! It put LIFE back into my marriage! And through it all, it put LIFE back into my faith in GOD, because all along, he was ALWAYS there! And he reminded me of his presence when he gave me my sweet little angel, Cali Armani Milan. Because everything that I went through during the process of having her, was all happening for my own good. Having her just put the icing on the cake. ❤️

Cali- Most beautiful⠀⠀⠀

Armani- Free⠀⠀

Milán- Kind, loving, and Gracious

As women, one of the most important relationships we can have is one with your girl friends! Creating friendships start for most of us at a very early age. Most people have met their first friend in preschool! From then, they shared their first secrets, took up for each other if someone tried to bully the other, and helped each other  out whenever it was needed. Basically, they had each other’s backs no matter what! I remember coming home from school and telling my mom all about my new friends! How nice they were, how cool their lunch bag was, etc. And as I got older and seen some of the hardships that my friends were dealing with, I always went to my mom asking her if we could help my friend out in any way. Now that I’m an adult, it seems as if the love and loyalty that goes into friendship is no longer valued. For many, the love and admiration that we had for our friends turned into envy. That support and eagerness to help our friend when they are down, turned into us using their downfall as our way to view ourselves to be “better than them.” And the secrets are no longer kept, instead secrets turns into gossip and are used as a tool for revenge if the two were to ever fallout or disagree. Women have turned against other women instead of loving and uplifting one another. We fight each other, we find pleasure in hurting one another, whether it’s directly done with an insult, or indirectly by sabotaging things that we value. We have the mentality that if we’re not on the same “level” as the next woman, that we’re behind them, and that mindset creates insecurities within us that ultimately makes us feel bitter or “not enough.” We’ve created so much hatred and envy among one another as a whole, that instead of asking the woman that may be in a place that we’re seeking to be for help, we instead suffer in our stagnation because our pride won’t allow us to ask for help. We’ve become so prideful in our marriages, in our parenting, in our careers, etc., that we’d rather “figure things out” and suffer through the hardships, instead of reaching out to other women who are successful in the area that we’re struggling in.  In spite of the negatives in womanhood, Women empowerment has become such a popular thing right now. But, unfortunately, many women still avoid joining groups or events led by women, because not everyone has a good experience, which can be very discouraging for women in true need of a sisterhood. Some women are using it as a way to “come up” and build a following, however, their hearts aren’t truly in it. Social media has allowed people to hide behind a screen and post as if they are perfect, “holier than thou,” empowering to others, etc,. So much that even the women that you’d least expect to be considering themselves as “empowering,” are hosting brunches and events aimed to empower others. But many aren’t doing it from a pure heart, only to be apart of a “trend” to be “inspirational.” Outside of their social media platform, their attitudes are trash and their spirits are nothing close to “empowering.” Although this isn’t the vast majority, it’s still important to be spiritually aware and use discernment when being led by others. This is why the bible teaches us to “Test the spirits” (1 John 4:1). My mother used to always tell me, “Veronica, everybody ain’t ya friend.” And it wasn’t until I got into my spiritual walk that I fully understood what she meant by that. But God gives us tools to be able to discern who means well and who doesn’t. The bible teaches us that you know a person by their FRUITS! (Matthew 7:16) It’s important to pay attention to the energy that a person gives off. It’s important to pay attention to the things and people that they engage with. It’s important to look at their spirits and not what they look like on the outside, but instead the fruits that they deliver from the inside.  Nevertheless, women hold some tremendous POWER! We have the ability to nurture, to heal, to love, to give birth, etc., so I have no doubt that we have the ability to put all of these characteristics back into friendships and bring back true sisterhood like never before! Some of the greatest moments of my life have been shared with my girl friends. And some of the worst ones. When I was struggling in my marriage, my close friends prayed us through, they gave me encouragement to keep fighting for my marriage, and reminded me of the good things that they knew about my husband, when all I could do was see the bad. When I went through depression during my pregnancy, it was my girl friends that made sure that I was okay. When I couldn’t get out of bed, they came to me. When I needed to get out of the house, they found pregnancy friendly events for me to enjoy. When I needed help after giving birth, they extended helping hands! They gave me hope and kept me motivated on the days that I felt like giving up on myself. They were true examples of exactly what friendship and sisterhood is about! Loving and supporting your friends through their worst, and best times! They kept me reminded that there’s a rainbow at the end of every storm. It gave me such great peace knowing that I had some sisters to have my back! THIS is why women empowerment is so important! We have the ability to do many things, but together, we have the POWER to overcome ALL THINGS! Empowered women empower women and have no problem fixing another Queens crown! Be good to your sisters, after all we’re all on the same team!

At an early age, I was taught the importance of taking care of a man. I witnessed my mother, and many other women around me cater to the needs of their husbands, boyfriends, or just men in general. They cooked dinner and served the men first, they poured their drinks if they were thirsty, they made sure the house was cleaned before he came home, and they made sure that they looked “presentable,” for him at all times, even if they had a rough day themselves. Women from all different cultures have been taught to treat men in an honorable way; and even if he doesn’t act honorable, we’re still to treat them with the upmost respect at all times. Even the bible teaches us that the man is ahead of the woman. And although I absolutely LOVE serving my husband, sometimes I wonder why there isn’t much emphasis put on how a man should treat the woman. I wonder why the importance for caring for the woman isn’t emphasized as much as it is for caring for men. I KNOW I can’t be the only one…I don’t know about you, but sometimes it frustrates me. Being married myself, I know that sometimes we both can get caught up in every day tasks, caring for our children, working, etc and some things can get neglected. But for myself, I’m normally the one that puts myself on the back burner while caring for everyone else. And although I have a great husband, sometimes I become frustrated with him because I expect him to replenish those areas of my life that have been neglected. It’s just refreshing to know and FEEL as though I am appreciated. And although he does do things to serve me, the consistency can be more on point. Most men believe that because they go to work, maybe even come out of their pockets more for bills, and possibly work a more strenuous job than we do, that that’s ALLL they are responsible for. They don’t take into consideration all that we do as homemakers, mothers, wives, etc., ON TOP OF working a 9-5 schedule ( for most of us), that we need some extra TLC too! We’ve been programmed to not be tired, to not complain, to not be so “nagging” to our men. When we complain we’re automatically categorized as a “nagger,” or  “annoying.” When we say that we’re tired, we’re considered “lazy.” When we have certain requirements of men, we’re considered to be too “uptight.” When we don’t set any expectations, we’re treated as a “pushover.” So because we avoid complaining, they assume that we’re “okay.” They assume that we don’t need anything. But in reality, we just don’t want to be categorized as things that we aren’t….I’ve come to the conclusion that being a woman is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It’s the most underpaid and overworked position ever! Especially as a Black woman. Yet still, we carry the load with grace, even when it gets heavy. The reality of it all is that everyone wants to feel loved and cared for while in a relationship. But if only one person is being nurtured, eventually, the other one will become depleted. Every relationship is a partnership, and as partners you should both be on the same page when it comes to taking care of each other. It’s important to be considerate of each others well being, both emotionally and physically. It’s important to take the time to discern the areas of your spouse’s life that may need a little extra care. And that should always be on both ends. Sometimes, as women we automatically assume that a man KNOWS exactly what we want and need. I mean, you’d think he paid attention, right? WRONG! Most men don’t! Women are mental, we pay attention to patterns and actually use common sense when it comes to serving our men. Men are more verbal. Meaning if you don’t directly tell them what you need and want, they’ll assume that you don’t need anything else. They don’t pay attention to the hints that we like to throw into the atmosphere, even if we wrote it out on our foreheads. Sometimes, as women we mistake their simple lack of paying attention for them just “not caring,” but that’s not always the case. As women, we must do better at expressing ourselves verbally and be direct when it comes to the things that we want. It’s only fair that we give our spouse a chance to make peace with the things that we feel have been bothering us. This allows us to properly determine whether or not the areas that we feel were neglected by our mate was intentional, or just a pure misunderstanding. As frustrating as it can be, sometimes we have to give grace to our spouse when they fall short. Sometimes, we can get so consumed with life and comfortable in our relationships, that we forget to do those small things that means so much to the other person. Communication is MAJOR key in every relationship. There are no definite gender roles in how to care for one another while seeking a healthy relationship. The goal is to nurture each other, to be considerate of each other, and to water each other spiritually and mentally, so that you BOTH can GROW!

Sometimes in life, especially when we have others who depend on us, we get caught up in taking care of everyone else and neglecting ourselves. When you become a mother, naturally your children’s needs come first. When we get into a relationship, we tend to make sure that we take care of our significant other, and sometimes put our own needs on the back burner. When we work for an employer, they pretty much tell us how and when we can live our lives, and after working a 40 week+ schedule it doesn’t leave much room for self care. In turn, we get burned out! Doing the simple things for ourselves begins to feel as if it’s just more work added to our already heavy load. Anytime that we begin to feel that caring for ourselves is a “burden,” it’s an indication that we need to put more effort into loving and caring for ourselves more. MUCH MORE! Self care is more than just getting our hair and nails done every other week. Self care is more than just taking care of our physical self; it’s taking care of yourself mentally, spiritually, and emotionally as well. Self care is exactly what it says; caring about yourself enough to be healthy in all areas (mind, body, emotions, soul). It’s identifying the areas in ourselves that we need to work on. Whether it’s working out to lose those extra pounds that we’ve gained, reading our bibles and other positive reads to feed our spirits, or cutting off that toxic mate or friend who constantly drains our energy with their negativity. It’s making the decision to make our needs a priority, unapologetically! Sometimes people get self care confused with being “selfish,” and it’s a HUGE difference. To be selfish means to have absolutely no consideration for others. It means to solely think of oneself and never another individual. It means to be completely centered around self. That’s NOT what we mean when we practice self love.We simply mean that we love ourselves, TOO! It means that we care about ourselves, TOO! It means that if we don’t love and care for ourselves, that eventually we wont have the energy or the desire to care for others. It’s extremely important that we give ourselves the proper maintenance that we need in all areas of our lives, because just like a car without proper maintenance, eventually we will break down. Whether it’s a physical breakdown or a mental one, sometimes we have to take  a step back and REST! Not only is it okay to rest, but its necessary! Resting allows us to really clear our minds and identify the areas of ourselves that we’ve neglected, and strategize ways to replenish them. That’s one of the beautiful parts about self care and self love; even though we tend to neglect ourselves more than not, we can always “pick back up” on it, and the our bodies will welcome us back with open arms! See, other people may not always welcome you back when they feel as if you’ve “neglected” them. They’ll hold it against you when you don’t show love to them how they want you to, or when you don’t put them as a priority like you normally would. You’ll be cut off before you can even explain to them that you’ve been dealing with your own issues. But most people aren’t programmed to be considerate of others, only themselves. So it’s up to YOU to be considerate of yourself and to truly take proper care of yourself; Mind, body, and soul. It all starts with YOU! You can’t depend on a soul to love you correctly, if you don’t know how to love your self correctly. No matter how much a person does to make you happy or unhappy, when you don’t love or care for your self you’ll be willing to accept anything someone gives you, whether it’s good or bad! When you know your worth, you call the shots! Never feel guilty for taking care of you! Never feel selfish for loving YOU! Self love is the greatest love in the world, next to God’s love! If you want someone to love you correctly, you must FIRST love yourself correctly. You set the tone for how others treat you. Love yourself today, and every day! You owe that to yourself, and much more❤️

As I grow older, life seems to get more and more intense. Now I can finally understand why the older generation used to tell us “chileee, don’t be in a rush to get older.” Being an adult brings great responsibility, it opens up more truths about the people we thought we knew, including ourselves. It forces you to make sound decisions daily, because just ONE wrong choice can completely ruin our lives. As a child, when we did wrong, we got a slap on the wrist and sent on our way. As an adult, the consequences of our actions can become much more intense. That’s why it’s so important to be sober minded and to be led by the spirit when making choices. Not just in tough situations, but in ALL situations. With the painful truths that comes with growing older, sometimes it puts us in a place of “uncertainty.” Uncertain of who we really are, uncertain of what’s to come, uncertain of whether or not we’re even on the “right track” in life. It puts us in a constant battle within ourselves, because sometimes it seems as though the more we try to do “right,” the more it seems that something is still wrong. The reality of it all is that anytime you take a step towards being a better you, you’re ALWAYS on the right track. Social media and society will really turn the pressure up once you get to a certain age in life. At 16, you’re expected to drive, at 18 they expect you to have a COMPLETE plan for your future, at 25 they expect you to be into your career, and by 30 they expect you to be married with at least 2 kids, a homeowner, have a 750 credit score, and have your own business on top of everything else! When those expectations that society places on us aren’t met, it makes us feel less than those who may have met those guidelines. It stirs up many different emotions within us that can lead to depression or the feeling of  “worthlessness.” That feeling of inadequacy stops NOW! The reality of it all is that not everyone’s life plan will be the same! That’s why God created us as individuals. Even twins are born at different times, whether it’s one minute apart or hours! God created us all with different purposes for our existence here on earth. And although some people may have accomplished some of the same things, their journey to get to their destination was different. The goal is to become the person that GOD wants us to be, NOT SOCIETY and definitely not people on social media. Today, I encourage you to seek God’s will for your life and ask him to reveal to you what your purpose is in life, then ACT ON IT! Some of you may notice that the very things that you have unsuccessfully been working towards, are in-fact NOT in God’s plan for your life. Never in life will you be able to fit the shoes of someone else’s purpose. Once you realize this and accept this hard truth, you will finally be able to get to know the REAL you, and walk in your TRUE calling.